I’m a little over 4 months into my journey though Asia and suddenly I’ve hit a wall, my mentality is shifting gears, and I can’t think of another idiom but basically I’m on the cusp of change.
So far I’ve mostly been in tourist mode. In the beginning I’d spend about 3 weeks in every country. Even with that time frame I was still jumping from city to city at a moderate pace. That itinerary has only shortened as I’ve moved along. I plan day by day, which is amazingly liberating. Doing this I frequently find my own path and unique experiences in the places I visit, however, I tend to rely too heavily on recommendations (either from the internet or by word of mouth) of what to see and do. These can be helpful, especially when researching on the fly, but I’ve started to build this agenda-focused way of thinking. For example, at present I am in Japan; I’ll go somewhere, like Kyoto, and I know of several “must see” destinations, like temples or castles, that I “should” strive to visit. They are helpful to know, but if I don’t make it to everything I begin to feel this internal dissonance. Part of me feels guilty for not having the energy or time or coordination to do it all, my brain clouded with FOMO (fear of missing out), and then another part of me really doesn’t care because I was doing what I wanted to. I often tell myself that missing a spot just leaves me something new to experience if I return to that place. So now, with only 2 weeks to see the whole of Japan, clearly I haven’t had enough time here to do it all. And I’m getting exhausted. Exhausted of walking around cities aimlessly, of spending my savings, and moving too fast to soak in my observations. Although I’m having some great interactions, I’m not appreciating it all fully because I’m distracted.
I’m distracted by a tiny Mitra voice shouting from deep inside my heart and head that she’s not happy with something. And I think that discomfort is coming from 4 months of, if I’m being honest, not doing all that much to build myself, deepen my skills, and contribute to society. I have this weight on my chest like I need to stop moving so fast. I’m craving nature, more creative expression, more local connections, and an opportunity to put my knowledge and skills to the test. I’m surprised to say that I’m ready to settle somewhere for a little while and work. I knew this was something I wanted to do during my travels but I don’t think I was ready until this moment. Now I am. My eyes are wide and searching for a place that calls to me. I know a new chapter is about to begin. I’m trying my best to stay attentive to the final pages of my current phase, but I’m EXCITED to see how I will transition. Recognizing that has released a lot of anxiety that I couldn’t identify before, and the positive energy is flowing once more.
Cheers,
Mitra
Bridge Over Distance 